Transformation > Information

a pure stream of consciousness

August 15th, 16:07

It’s not really morning pages, morning pages are 3 pages — handwritten — upon waking, but I just felt like opening my substack dashboard, starting a draft, and just write anything and everything that will come up while I play Blue Ether by Hansu Jot, my usual perfect 22’34” track to go with my morning pages. Again, this is not morning pages. It’s afternoon (and not early morning), Eā is napping in our family bed (we still co-sleep), I made myself my second matcha of the day, this time trying a rice/hazelnut milk I bought earlier today at the organic store, on my daily walk/prosperity date with my son: I like nothing more than going out for a walk with him, and let him explore whatever he wants that day. He does his own shopping — he takes the things he wants from the shelves, and puts them in my basket (or in his own kid shopping cart), unto the rolling mat (what is this thing called??) at the cashier, and he asks me my card to pay — he loves the sound: “tiing”. I taught him to bless the money we are spending, and come back with a lot of friends! Anyway, Eā is asleep, and my husband is in Scotland this week. I’m sitting at the table I call my desk, in our living room, with the best view on my neighbors’ garden — they put so much care in it, it feels like living in Nicole’s backyard (hi

Nicole Doyle

). We know this is not morning pages happening here, but I wanted to give the reader a sense of what it is to write a pure stream of consciousness, without overthinking it, just anything that comes to mind (not your usual light letter, see archive for more)— and it’s not about writing divine channeling, it might, but the goal is the action itself. In our Telegram chat I created for our 2-week accountability challenge starting on Thursday, I was telling the ladies who already joined that morning pages is not a noun, it’s not a fixated thing: it’s a verb. “I morninpaged today” we should say. It’s a verb, and a verb means action. I also say I am a verb: I write, I mother, I love, I design, I create, I teach. Always hated putting a label on who I was or what I was doing: to the point that every time (literally, every single time) I was getting closer to earn my title (or my “noun”), I would quit, or take another direction, or try something new, because the Aquarius in me (Sun & Rising) doesn’t like to be boxed in and limited to just a noun. When people started to say “oh she is a kundalini yoga teacher”, then it made me want to stop teaching. If being a noun works for you, it’s fine. But the liberation that came for me when I realized I am a verb just made my life better. I remember a woman answering the question: “so what do you do for a living?” and she said “I teach, and I sing”. She didn’t say I am a teacher and a singer. And this was from a podcast interview I listened to when I lived in my small yogic cave in the heart of Paris. Feels like a decade ago. Before motherhood. I remember thinking: “I need to find my verbs”. But the thing with verbs is that they have to be moving, activated, in action. There is energy in the verb itself. “What actions would I like to perform?” This is the question I asked myself when I added this section on my About page. I didn’t wanted to be just an adjective, because adjectives qualify a noun. We are human beings, we are being in motion, we are being the creator of our life. It’s not that I don’t believe in dreams — I even made a T-shirt that says Divine Timing is The Bridge Between Yesterday’s Dreams and Tomorrow’s Reality (sold out, but coming back soon)— but I experienced that for a dream to crystallize, it has to be broken down into actions, into small actionable steps, that will lead you to the “dream”, this picture that once flashed into your mind. What really transformed me lately, beside having the unconditional support of my coach, is to go back to this: what action do I want to perform? Make the list. List 20 things you’d like to do, and then find out who you need to be in order to be that person who is doing those things. Starting with Being is starting with declaring “I am a verb, I (insert verb here)”. It’s more precise. I just had a sip of matcha and the hazelnut is totally overriding the matcha, which is what I thought would happen, but somehow I know my dad loves to have hazelnut milk for his goûter (the 4pm snack in french) and this way it’s almost as if we were having our goûter together. Anyway. Why do I love Morning Pages so much? Because it’s a discipline, and guess what, discipline and wisdom are best friends. I’m not saying you’re gonna write (a verb) once, and all of your mind clutter will be sorted out, but being that disciple and showing up to your notebook first thing in the morning just does something incredubly great for the rest of your day. It sets you on the right track: the right track being the system in place that will give you the results you are seeking. I wanted to write about this: dreams vs. systems. Why having a system works better than just having dreams. Every system is perfect. If I think about it, if I press command + Q on my keyboard, it’s gonna close that tab and maybe this text will be gone forever… I cannot press command + Q and expect it will print my text, you know? It’s the same for our own subconscious programming. Thinking that I am a bad writer? Well, my mind is gonna look for evidence that I am a bad writer, I am not even a writer, who am I to even dare to say “I write”. Every system is perfect (Blue Ether, the track I was playing, just ended, which makes me think this moment would be close to be 3 pages of handwritten thoughts if this was my morning pages, and again, those are not morning pages, just me tapping on the keyboard whatever is coming to my mind, and nobody else than yourself is meant to EVER read your morning pages). So every system is perfect: what are the results am I seeking? Okay. Make the list. What kind of system, including beliefs system, do I need to back me up and show me that I’m getting exactly what I am expecting to get? I want to be confidently saying “I write a great newsletter exploring the multiple possibilities offered by a platform like Substack”: what do I need to do? Just write, write the best I can, and I know the best means transformation over information (you don’t need me to write your morning pages or to tell you what it is, you can ask chatGPT for that, and write in your own time with your own notebook and not tell anybody you’re doing this, but I’m not sure about how many days in a row you’ll do this… You know, this great question to ask oneself: “if I could tell no one about it, would I still do it?”…). So transformation: what are you thinking right now, if you made it that far in my text? That what I’m writing is messy? That “if she can do it, then maybe I can do it too”? That “oh it’s hard to follow, she could have organized that better and give us 5 great journaling prompts at the end, and I don’t really care about the rice hazelnut milk in her matcha, even though now I know it’s not the smartest choice”… Seriously, are you feeling at least 1% better about yourself and your ability to maybe someday try morning pages? Someday doesn’t exist though… So maybe, maybe it would be a great idea to join Morning Pages Magic, it starts on Thursday, there is a 31 minutes class already recorded to get you started on the process, and a group of absolutely beautiful souls committing themselves to the simple act of handwriting for just 14 days… What are 14 days anyway? Where were you 2 weeks ago? What were you doing? Were you any different? We are always changing, that’s why it makes sense we are a verb and not a stagnant fixated noun. For example, I don’t like to say “I am a projector” (one of the human design types), this is sooooo limiting in my opinion, and it doesn’t mean anything. You know like those Instagram carousels for “projectors” that feel like “this is your new truth”. It doesn’t mean I’m special. It doesn’t mean I know better than. It doesn’t mean I was born to not work and take naps and wait on the couch until someone thinks “oh I’d love to invite her”. How do I really feel? When I reframed that to “I guide, I show the way, I give the direction, I focus, I create efficiency, I transform, I move the energy” it felt sooooo much better. So this is about 30 minutes of writing non stop, FYI. I am wearing my favorite white shirt, my white denim shorts, my son is asleep, it’s a Tuesday afternoon, the music, Blue Ether, is the best music to my heart for a deep relaxation, and throwing those words unto the page is deeply relaxing for me. You might think we are more than one in my head, which might be true, because I am change, I am movement, I create with my breath something that will never exist again. I came here not for more information, this I can have anytime in the click of a button, but I came here for transformation: how can I alchemize thoughts into things, how can I master the spiritual plan by mastering the material realms, how can I love more, and open my heart even though I’m the most introvert person you know and I’m good in my solo bubble, I still can feel I’m craving a heart-to-heart connection with you all, I thought maybe I need to go to Bali with my sister this winter, but Bali might not be the solution, but I also know that I can breathe a little bit deeper, and press “send”, and let things come to me. I’m also thinking of the next T-Shirts I want to design (want to do a kid size T-Shirt and new design!), and all the experiences I want to create with a community of women who are curious about one thing: what would it take for me to create a really good life? The last few minutes of Blue Ether, I dedicate them to Being, and I will breathe into this music created by my dear husband and father of my son, a true gift in my life, even though he might not understand why it’s important for me to write or “morninpage” every morning, sitting at my desk with my matcha. I love him, because he promised me he will never ever read my notebooks. And this, to me, is trust.

August 15th, 16:50

I am a different person. Because I wrote this.

You see, I can’t be a noun. My son woke up from his nap!

August 15th, 18:45

Sending this to you all, and if you are new here, welcome to The Light Letter, and checkout the older post. It’s not usually that raw <3

Infinite Blessings,

Ardas Chandra

Check out Morning Pages Magic, a soft challenge & community experience — August 17th is Day 1