Don't Be The Best. Be The Only.

the wake-up call I needed! maybe you need it too?

I asked

Garance Doré

whom I’ve been following online for 15 years (!) the following:

“Bonjour Garance! What would be your #1 advice for other substack writers?”

→ The context: she was hosting a live Q&A via Substack Notes. If you don’t know who she is, in five words I’d describe her as The Coolest Woman I Know — and a Radiant Woman for sure.

She answered, promptly:

“Well, there is a saying from a writer that is a sort of motto for me. “Don’t be the best, be the only”, it’s from Kevin Kelly.

And to me, it means that the only way to create something new, different, that stands out from the crowd is to do things that are exactly us.

Sometimes it’s hard because you feel alone — it’s so much easier to be in a very well-established niche where the codes are clear and that has a name. But I think the rewards of following our own path are huge!”

→ And this prompted me to go deeper and discover a clip from Kevin Kelly. I included the audio only, video, and transcript for you to enjoy:

Don’t aim to “Be The Best”. Be The Only.

And that’s a very high bar, because it requires a tremendous amount of self-knowledge and awareness to get to that point to really understand what it is that you do better than anybody else in the world. 

And for most of us, it takes all our lives to figure that out. 

And we also need family, friends, colleagues, customers, everyone around us to help us understand what it is that we do better than anyone else, because you can’t really get there by yourself. 

You can’t do ‘thinkism’ (!!!). You can’t think your way there. 

You have to try and live it out. 

That’s why most people’s remarkable lives are full of detours and dead ends and right turns, because it’s a very high bar. But if you can get there, you don’t need a resume. There’s no competition. 

And it’s easy for you because you’re doing it. You’re not looking over your shoulder. You’re just right there.

So don’t aim to Be The Best, Be The Only. 

words by Kevin Kelly

Between The Lines

→ I met Garance Doré once, ca. 2009, when I was 17 in Paris (I have a picture of the two of us together, it was in between shows at the fashion week). Since then, she has been my #1 expander (aka someone who has created or achieved something in their life that we desire to also have or create).

What I’ve admired in her, as an expander, might very well be parts of me that I have yet to integrate. We say that if you can see it in the other person, you might have it in you, it’s just… dormant and has to be activated.

→ Beyond what she did (I love the effortless French skincare she created… because she created it, you know?), it’s who she is that has inspired me: she seems to have found her way to fully express her personality.

→ Her way of telling stories is quite magnetic. This might be the very thing she does better than anyone else (correct me if I’m wrong,

Garance Doré

).

One could say that she is The Art Of Reinvention, with a life “full of detours, and dead ends and right turns”: just listen to her solo podcast, Le Rendezvous, and you’ll know what I mean. And as the great writer she is, even in a short Notes on Substack, she makes you read between the lines.

→ Scroll back up, and read again what she answered to my question.

She doesn’t know me, Ardas Chandra (we took this picture together in Paris, but it was 15 years ago, you know?). She doesn’t read me, and while I feel I know *everything* about her, she has no idea of how much she has inspired me and guided me through her creations and her being — “If only I could BE that for at least one person, then I’ll know I’m doing something right, aligned with my path” is a thought I have often.

Her answer to my question sparked a long list of valuable lessons (and the kick I needed…):

• don’t try to be me (this would not be new/different/standing out from the crowd) - be different = be yourself

• there is no recipe, no blueprint, no guidebook, you gotta figure it out

• I know you want that — forging your unique path — and let me tell you it is possible “to create something new, different, that stands out from the crowd” (aka “being a category of one”, or being in your “genius zone”)

• this very thing that “you do better than everyone else” does exist, so go find it (ask your friends, family, (readers? help me here? can you see something I don’t see?), customers, colleagues, etc.)

• you are not made for a cookie-cutter solution (the “very well-established niche where the codes I clear and that has a name”), you don’t and won’t just “fit in”, you are uniquely different and it would be beautiful to share that with the world

• it’s the journey that matters, “the rewards of following our own path are huge” (and your soul knows it) — it’s all the “detours and dead ends and right turns” that makes life what it is

• if I can do it, you can do it too, in your own way

• it takes courage (it’s hard) to follow your heart (courage comes from “coeur”, the heart, in French)

Frequency & Form

→ Ultimately, it’s about Frequency & Form. Our Life Path is made of Possible Futures + Focus + Frequency & Form.

→ It’s about finding out what makes you unique (younique?), tuning into that Frequency of Being The Only vs. aiming to be the best, and expressing it in the right Form for you.

→ When Frequency & Form come together, you are in your Genius Zone, you are magnetic, “you don’t need a resume, and there is no competition”. This is where I want to be, and maybe it’s also where you want to be.

→ In the end, the only way to know is to go “try and live it out”.

This is the only way to know if it is right for you (vs. whatever everyone else is saying).

→ Maybe it’s time to give back the gifts that have been given to you, don’t you think? Maybe this is also your wake-up call…

Information vs. Transformation